I want to talk a little about interests and preferences. Sometimes when I talk about this topic, there’s a bit of confusion around interests and preferences and how they differ from desires. As a general rule, interests and preferences tend to be the natural way we meet our own needs. Desires, on the other hand, are much more about leading us into the life that we want to live. In order to live that life, though, our needs have to be met first and our interests and preferences will often help us get there.
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Let’s talk about needs. We all have them. We all have basic needs. Regardless of the parenting or life situation, it always comes back to needs. Are we meeting our own needs? What about those of our children?
Needs are a foundational part of Yes Parenting. In fact, the first Yes of Yes Parenting is to your own needs, starting with a practice of self-care.
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My sister has two boys. One has just turned two and the other is not yet three months old. She remarked the other day that, with small children, “The days are long and the years are short”. As a Mama of two boys who are hurtling towards adolescence I know this firsthand.
It seems only yesterday that it was my son who was running around bare-bottomed as he learned to use the potty. I can also vividly recall those days when it seemed I did nothing except focus on settling a baby who just wasn’t quite right and I had no idea why.
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A while ago I had a conversation with a gym member who I see most days. He was asking me about Yes Parenting. He asked how I managed to stick to my guns despite the response from the media and those that comment on the media. I said it was because I believe in Yes Parenting, my children demonstrate the effects of Yes Parenting and my clients rave about Yes Parenting.
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•••• Do you say Yes to ideas, no matter how crazy, out of the blue or impractical they might be?! ••••
Saying Yes to an idea does not mean you then have to go ahead and fulfill said idea. It means opening up to what that idea might offer. When we say Yes, and we open up, it is incredible what magic is able to unfold.
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I recently found myself feeling so excited after scheduling some exciting and important meetings in London with potential Agents. As the meetings approached I noticed that my excitement had rapidly turned to nervousness, even fear. This pattern is not new for me!
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WHEN HAS CRITICISM EVER HELPED YOU OR YOUR CHILDREN?
Isn't it interesting how quickly we criticise ourselves and our children? Sometimes it can be very subtle but it's there - any time we see a behaviour or a quality that is 'less than' desirable from our perspective.
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We can only begin to really understand our children's needs, and how to respond to them, if we're first recognising our own needs and meeting them.
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Self Care is essential to parenting. Actually, it's essential to life. If you don't take care of yourself you're going to die out pretty quickly.
Sound dramatic?
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CHOOSE COMPASSION, KINDNESS, ACCEPTANCE AND UNDERSTANDING!
When we're at the point of punishment we have chosen to let our irritation, disappointment, anger or sadness take over. It is almost impossible to choose Punishment if we are in a place of compassion, kindness, acceptance and understanding.
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